A.H.P. – 36:
My Dear Son, John,
I am going to put this in writing so there are no misunderstandings about what I am sharing with you. I want you to be clear in knowing what I am communicating to you.
Firstly, I love you so very much, probably much more than you will ever know or begin to know. you are my son and will forever be my son. You are a blessing to me each and every day of my life even when you are not with me.
I am so sorry you are struggling. i don’t know when that will stop and things will get easier for you; I thought that time had come.
You are like the man who is caught in a flooding river, drowning… praying for God to help him so he won’t drown. God sends him a log and he lets it float by. God sends him a raft and he lets it float by. Finally, God sends him a boat with a man in it and the man extends his hand and says, “let me help you”. The man says, “no God is going to help me”. Well the man drowns. When he sees God he says, “I prayed for you to help me, for you to save me, but you let me drown”. God told the man, “I sent you help and each time help arrived you refused the help I sent”.
For years your family has been trying to save you from drowning in that river. We have extended a hand to help in the form of: counseling, consequences, special schools, alternative living situations, love, tears, and so many other ways that are just too innumerable to list. Mostly we have loved you, and all of the help we have gotten you and offered to you is because of the love we have for you. There is no magical healing/saving; it requires desire and lots of hard work.
The school you are currently enrolled in is on the brink of discharging you because of your poor choices and your refusal to follow the program. the school you are in is also one of the hands that have been extended to you to keep you from drowning, yet you are choosing to ignore the helping hand and drown anyway.
I don’t know what more help I can offer to you, what more encouragement I can give you to do well and succeed in life. i don’t know how to help you understand that you are so loved by me and your entire family. Please, stop this cycle of self destruction, you are only hurting yourself. Sure, it hurts my heart, your grandparent’s hearts, your aunts, uncle, siblings and father’s hearts… but in the long run you are the only one who is getting destroyed by your actions and choices.
I would like you to think about what your life choices and options are if you are discharged from school. Live with me? Live with your dad? Live with your grandparents? Or perhaps you will be on your own, live in Albuquerque, work, support yourself, pay your bills, buy your own food, pay your medical bills, and possibly, if you have time, go to school. Only one of these things is an option at this point in time; all other options have been exhausted.
So, Jacob, my beautiful, smart, charismatic, capable, talented, blessed, beloved little boy/young man, please stop and think about what you are doing to yourself. Don’t put yourself in a situation you may not be able to get yourself out of.
It is so hard for someone to finish high school after they have dropped out, in fact very few people who drop out of high school ever finish or go on to college. And statistically speaking, if for some reason you wind up in prison, once you get out you will have very poor chances at being accepted back into society as a whole. New prisoners report being beaten by fellow convicts for the first 1-2 months after being incarcerated. they report being forced to join gangs and much worse. If you think life is a strugle now imagine what your life will be like inside a jail cell. Getting jobs after being incarcerated will be one of the most difficult tasks you encounter (probably not as difficult as being in prison). People don’t look at ex-convicts and say, “you did your time all is forgiven let me hire you.” The say, “I don’t want this person to do to me whatever they did to get sent to prison in the first place.”
These are not the life choices I want for you. But that really isn’t up to me. The course your life takes is entirely up to you, choose wisely son.
I love you son, your family loves you. We want you to be successful and would love to help you along that path to success. However, we cannot help you unless you are also helping yourself. It is up to you.
I wish you luck and send you all my love.