The Anonymous Heartache Project

An Experimental Transmedia Documentary

A.H.P.-63

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A.H.P. – 63

Walking into a kegger in my favorite bellbottoms with pink terrycloth i sewed into them,
I see him sitting there.
My heart races.
my palms sweat.
I don’t talk to him.

He’s tall and terribly gorgeous
long black hair
deep burning brown eyes.

When I leave i catch his eye and my knees feel weak.

i find out he is my friends cousin….
i tell her,
i want him

I’m working in an Ice Cream shoppe,
it’s late,
i’m washing the floors, the door dings as someone enters
“We’re closed”
i say before looking up.

it’s him
i giggle
we talk about who knows what
he wants to take me out…

Later that week he calls me
we are supposed to go out saturday

i float through the week

Saturday comes…
a friend needs a last minute date to prom
i decline as i try on every outfit i own

i wait
and wait

he’s not coming
A month later he calls again
i don’t care that he stood me up –

we try again
he picks me up……..

and i never want him to leave

He’s amazing
the best kisser
smart
funny
handsome
strong
tall perfect

We fall deep into eachother
i love you
i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you
i love you i love you

i fall in love with his family
nonno gives me a bouquet of basil from his garden
nonna gives me a purse from peru made by a friend
his mom and i talk for hours
his dad wants to take me fishing

We fall deep into eachother
i love you
i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you
i love you i love you

our lives begin to intertwine with eachother
our paths we want to keep together

someday we’ll….
someday

years pass quickly
i get surprised reactions as i tell others we’ve been together 4 years

then 6 years then 7
are you gonna marry him?
i want to
he never asks

he doesn’t surprise me anymore
no coffee brought to me at work

he says what i want to hear..

i love you i want to marry you, someday
your beautiful
once this is done i’ll be there more

he seems distant

where’s your boyfriend?

not here…

i tell him i need him
i tell him i love him

he too busy

i ask him what’s wrong
what’s wrong with you

your always angry
i’m lonely
i need you

we fall away

he doesn’t want to admit he’s done

he no longer calls
i cry
and cry

i try to call
he doesn’t answer

he doesn’t call back
i cry

and now i’m alone
i miss the way his hands felt on my skin
i miss the way he held me
i miss being in love

our paths are no longer together
i cry

he still didn’t call

and here i am
wearing my favorite bellbottoms
i think we had a true love…
even though its gone
for 7 years we loved eachother
and i still love him

but don’t want him

it hurts

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